Structured Randomness:A Blogiary by Caitlyn Gellar
by minimehelen
Summary: Greetings World. My name is Caitlyn Gellar. I’m 16. My favorite color is blue. I wanna be a producer when I grow up. Music is my life. My favorite place to be is Camp Rock. My parents are divorced. This guy I like ditched me for my ex-best friend.
1. Summer

**Just felt like writing this. I hope y'all like it. It's in Caitlyn's point of view and it's basically a blog/diary type thing. If you haven't, please check out my other story Decisions. I would love to get feedback from everyone for both stories so please read and review. Thanks a bunch. :)**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything when it comes to Camp Rock. However, the song lyrics…yeah…they're mine so you know, don't take them and be all evil. Thanks :)

**Summary:** Greetings World. My name is Caitlyn Gellar. I'm 16. My favorite color is blue. I wanna be a producer when I grow up. Music is my life. My favorite place to be is Camp Rock. My parents are divorced. This guy I like ditched me for my ex-best friend. NatexCaitlyn

**Counting Sheep**

8.23.09

Everything is coming at me way too fast.

Way.

Too.

Fast.

In the blink of an eye, summer disappeared, Camp Rock ended, and now I'm cramming in all my summer assignments that I'd avoided till this last week.

So last night, I laid there in bed and cried. I cried for the time I've wasted, the relationships I lost, all the A's I never got, all the C's I couldn't pull back up. I cried for my family. I cried 'cause I am such a disappointment.

To myself.

To my family.

To everyone.

I cried until my pillow was damp with my saltwater tears. I cried until I got a headache that couldn't be taken away with some Advil and a temple rub. I cried until I was too tired to continue. Then I went to sleep.

It's 6 a.m.

I got 3 hours of sleep and I am dead tired. But nothing can get me back to sleep. So I'm just laying here. Oh wait…maybe I can…hold on a sec.

1 sheep…

2 sheep…

3 sheep…

Jump over the fence 4th sheep!

Gah.

Okay. Whoever said that counting sheep puts you to sleep is wrong. It just makes you mad.

Anyways, I can't sleep so I decided to vent. I pulled out my laptop and here I am. Venting.

I actually do feel a little better. So I guess I'll start doing this more often. Like a blog. Or a diary.

A Blogiary.

I. Am. Genius.

I'm excited. But still tired and grumpy.

I guess I'll end this thing. For today I mean.

Okie Dokes.

Uh….bye?

-Caitlyn Gellar.

**Structured Randomness**

8.24.09

So uh…are these things supposed to be random?

Cause yeah…I'm not really good at all that spontaneous, random stuff. I like structured things. That's why…

It's 6 a.m. again.

I can't sleep.

But I'm normal today. Not dead tired. Not grumpy about those sheep.

I got 8 hours of sleep. Normal. Awesome.

So yesterday was horrible. All I ever felt like doing was laying there. Like a dead log. Couch potato if you will.

Yup.

And now I got nothing to write.

So uh…bye…

-Caitlyn

**Summer Junk**

8.25.09

Summer assignments are endless.

No matter how hard you work on them, they continue to be unfinished.

Spent 5 hours analyzing quotes? So what. You still got 10 more to do.

Ugh.

Why do we need summer work anyway? I mean summer is a time where we take a break from school. So why do I feel like I'm still in it?

Which reminds me.

School starts in 8 days.

8. Stinkin'. Days.

I'm gonna be a junior. This means 3 things:

I'm getting old

SAT's

More AP classes

I'm not looking forward to any of those. What a shock.

Life kinda sucks right now. I mean, I'm usually all gung ho for this stuff.

But you know. People change. And a lot of stuff's been going on. So I'm not that bubbly, talented girl I was at Camp Rock.

Sigh…gotta finish off all this junk.

On the flip side, I'm attempting to be more spontaneous! Oh yeah. It's 6 p.m.-ish right now. Note the "-ish". Oh yeah. Not exact. :)

Ugh. I gotta go. I scheduled myself to only blogiary for 10 min. It's been 9.

So uh…adios?

Man. I still don't know how to end these things. I suck.

-Caitlyn

**New Song**

8.26.09

In attempts to escape my boredom from analyzing more quotes, I decided to try to write a song.

Let's just say this song isn't the happiest thing in the world. But I really like it.

"_Clouds are forming now_

_A storm is coming, headed this way_

_Shielding me from light."_

That's all I have so far. And it may sound depressing but who knows. It could end happy. :)

I guess that's all the excitedness I've got to share.

Peace out.

-Caitlyn

**Public**

8.27.09

I decided to make my blogiary public. I mean, people must be crazy to wanna read this stuff and posting it probably won't benefit me in any way but what the heck. It might benefit someone else.

Plus, I now have an excuse to play around with technology. Turns out there's a whole bunch of sites for blogs and stuff. And I found this one! Hooray for me.

So as you can see I went all out with this. **(A.N. Because fanfiction doesn't let me deck this page out please use your imagination. Think Caitlyn :P) **Added pics, color, all that good stuff. Yeah. I must say. I did a pretty good , that banner. Amazing.

Ok. I'm done obsessing over myself.

TTYL

-Caitlyn.

**Greetings**

8.27.09

So after I posted that last entry, I realized I hadn't formally introduced myself to the world.

So here it is, in bullets cause that's the easiest.

Greetings World.

- My name is Caitlyn Gellar.

- I'm 16.

- My favorite color is blue.

- I wanna be a producer when I grow up.

- Music is my life.

- My favorite place to be is Camp Rock.

- My parents are divorced.

- This guy I like ditched me for my ex-best friend.

That's my life in a nutshell. I'll go into more depth later.

Sayonara

-Caitlyn

**Followers**

8.28.09

So I noticed that some of you are "following" me.

And I don't know if I should be scared, or excited.

I did choose to make my life public.

But now I'm thinking against it.

We'll see how it goes. Just don't do anything creepy okay?

Bye.

-Caitlyn

**Phone Call**

8.28.09

I got a phone call today.

From Nate Black.

He asked me if I wanted to hang out.

Please.

You see, he's the guy that I liked. And you know, we were all buddy buddy and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I didn't think he meant for a day.

I thought he was the one.

Even when we weren't dating, he acted like we were.

So I thought things would last.

But of course, my ex-best friend Tess Tyler is so much better than me.

And he left.

Just.

Like.

That.

No goodbye.

No "I'm sorry".

He just. Left.

So for the next week, I waited.

Nothing.

And then bam!

All of a sudden pictures of him and Tess were on every cover of every tabloid.

They've been dating for months each magazine said.

They're madly in love.

Nothing can separate those two.

And now he has the nerve to call me and ask me if I want to hang out.

Jerk.

Well. I rejected him. And that's that.

-Caitlyn

**Change**

8.29.09

I've been feeling depressed lately.

My depression led me to look back at that song I was writing.

I finished it.

It's called Change. Read on if you'd like.

"_Clouds are forming now_

_A storm is coming, headed this way_

_Shielding me from light_

_Hope has disappeared_

_Trapped in darkness no way out_

_Which way do I turn?_

_Will someone rescue me?_

_Can someone set me free and_

_Change, let a light shine through_

_Illuminate this deep dark cave_

_Send me over each new wave_

_And change _

_What I have become_

_Make me better and you'll see_

_The new person shine in me…"_

And it continues on like that. I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. It's basically about wanting to leave the past behind and become that better person. And it's not entirely depressing. Whoo.

Well, it's time to finish off those quotes. And then I have physics to do. Bleh.

-Caitlyn

**Confused**

8.29.09

I finished my in depth analyses for English. Woohoo!

Now, I'm currently trying to comprehend the complexity of AP Physics. We have a worksheet to do.

Subject?

Vectors.

My AP Chem. teacher lectured us on this last year and I thought I got it but right now I'm simply confused.

All these arrows and numbers….Doesn't look simple at all.

Well, time to call my best friend.

Mitchie.

She'll know what to do.

That's one of the good things about moving with my mom to California. I get to go to school with my new best friend, the smart and talented Mitchie Torres. Whoo!

Who need Tess?

Darn. She didn't pick up.

Sigh…I'll try tomorrow.

Adios people.

-Caitlyn

Oh. Just so you know, Nate called again. I didn't pick up. That boy is starting to seriously get on my nerves. Ugh. Just leaves me more confused. Jerk.

**Nate Black**

8.30.09

My phone has been ringing off the hook all day.

I was happy to see that one of the many incoming calls was Mitchie. It's always nice to talk to her.

And I was right. She knew exactly how vectors worked.

It's simple really. You just plug in some numbers, move some arrows around, and then you can find the scalar x and y components of the any displacements in the xy-plane.

Yup.

Well anyways, I was extremely annoyed to find that the bulk of my calls were from no other than Mr. Nate Black. Ugh.

I guess I should tell ya'll about what happened between me and him.

You see, earlier this summer at Camp Rock, we met.

It was the 2nd summer Shane Grey, Jason Gold, and Nate Black graced us with their presence.

Oh please.

Now don't get me wrong. Shane is actually a pretty nice guy. I mean, he and Mitchie they're still going strong. He really isn't as mean or as cool as he appears. He's sweet.

And Jason, he is hilarious. Not funny, hilarious. His cluelessness is amazing. All I have to do is ask him a question. He'll cheer me up anytime. In addition, he's also sweet.

Then there's Nate. I _thought_ he was nice. I _thought _he cared. I _loved _his music. I _adored_ his smile. I _thought _he was perfect. The best one of them all.

Man was I wrong.

Seriously. Nate Black is nothing but an egotistical, heartless, selfish, jerk that won't stop bothering you until he gets what he wants.

Sigh….

Well, earlier this summer, I fell for this guy. This so called perfect Nate Black. And now I'm going insane.

First day of camp, he came up to me. We clicked. We hung out everyday. We went on double dates with Mitchie and Shane. We were together all the time. And everyone knew. But it wasn't official.

So, the day he actually asked me to be his girlfriend, July 14, yeah that day, he dumped me.

No, actually, he just left.

He didn't say a word to me.

He just disappeared.

I asked Shane and Jason and they said he left for promotional stuff for connect three.

I'm like, "if it's for connect three why is only one person going and why is it Nate?"

Most of all, I wondered, "why didn't he say anything?"

So then I waited and a week later pics of him and Tess popped up everywhere.

The worst part was, every magazine quoted Nate. And in every one, a single phrase stuck out to me

"_We've been dating for months_"

How is that supposed to make me feel?

I mean seriously. It feels like I've been cheated.

And now he has the nerve to call me back and tell me he wants to hang out.

He's just a little…ugh!

It's like he forgot everything.

And each time he calls it's just another bullet through my heart.

As if my life can get any worse.

My parents are divorced.

My dad's already moved on and he's forgotten about me.

School is stressing me out.

And the guilt of being a murderer is haunting me.

Yeah. That's right. I killed someone. Someone that I really cared about. And I wish all this bad stuff would just go away.

But it won't.

And Nate knows all this stuff.

I trusted him.

My mistake.

Yet I still wanna forgive him. Erase it all and start over.

Ugh. I gotta clear my mind.

-Caitlyn

**Suffocating**

8.31.09

New song. All I got is the chorus.

"_You've locked me up and I'm suffocating_

_I wanna scream that I'm ok but_

_Inside I'm really feeling too much pain_

_Each time you speak and ask to see me_

_Is a bullet through my heart believe me_

_And I can't take it but_

_I'm trying to erase it all_

_Cause I want this to work out._"

**Disappearing Summer**

8.31.09

Summer is almost gone. And I don't know. I'm kinda looking forward to it. I'm kinda not.

It'd be a fresh start for me.

I mean, people have had a whole year to forget about….

The incident.

I don't wanna talk about it now but I'm sure it'll come up again.

Yes, this is the same incident that classifies me as a murderer.

I would do anything to change what happened. :(

Anyways. 2 more days of summer left.

I've successfully finished all my summer work with 2 days to spare. Y'all should be proud.

Oh yeah. Pro status right here.

Kay. Guess that's all.

Nate's still calling.

I'll have to pick up eventually.

But I'm not ready.

Maybe tomorrow.

Or not.

-Caitlyn

**Texting**

9.1.09

Whoever invented unlimited texting sucks.

Why?

Because Nate Black has been texting me nonstop that's why.

Man.

That boy is desperate.

I was so excited to wake up this morning with no missed calls.

And then my phone starts buzzing like crazy.

Sigh.

I'm not ready to see him again.

I've had enough.

School starts tomorrow.

Whoop dee doodle doo.

-Caitlyn

**So that's it for the first chapter. Don't forget to check out decisions as well. :)**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Tell me what you think? Please?**

**Review :)**


	2. First Week of School

**Chapter 2! Whoo hoo! Sorry it took so long. Fanfic wasn't working for me the past couple of days. Very strange. Anyways, first week of school. Based on my first week. Well, just the schedule part. Haha. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything when it comes to Camp Rock. Nope. Not a single thing.

**First Day of School**

9.2.09

Woke up this morning.

Went to school.

Got my semi- final, semi- hideous semester schedule.

0. Precalc. Honors

1. English Honors 3

2. AP Physics

3. AP US

4. Spanish 3

5. Choir

5 reasons why I hate my schedule.

The first half of my day is composed of all high level, hard classes where you have to think like crazy. Bleh.

2 AP's in a row? Ewwww…

Math in the morning. Gross.

I have a zero period. I mean I wake up at six anyway but it would've been nice to know that I had that extra hour on my hands to at least try to sleep in.

I just hate it.

2 reasons why I love my schedule.

I have 1 class with Mitchie as opposed to the zero I had with her last year.

I get to relax at the end of the day.

Yup. That's it.

So after I got my schedule and zero period ended, I went to my locker.

It looked dirtier than ever.

And there was a spot of spit right in front of it.

Ewwww…

So, I leaned over the spot of spit and turned my lock.

Turns out, I forgot my combination.

Perfect.

The 3 min. bell rings.

I limp to class carrying textbooks, notebooks, and a binder for my next 4 classes.

I never realized how weak I was.

After those four classes, I limped back to my locker and tried a million combinations.

I finally got it.

15 minutes into lunch.

After that I grabbed a sandwich, ate it, and then skipped to choir like a giddy school girl.

Just imagine me in a plaid skirt, white collared shirt, and striped tie, holding a basket and skipping down the school hallway.

Now erase that image cause I didn't do that. Or dress like that.

I just walked casually into the classroom. Filled with 5 guys and 20 girls.

Yeah. We need more guys.

Well, at least we got to choose our seats.

I sit next to Mitchie! Yay!

Yup. That was my first day of school.

-Caitlyn

**Maybe**

9.2.09

Nate didn't call or text me all day.

I am satisfied.

Maybe he decided to give up.

Or maybe, he's that annoying person that keeps ringing the doorbell.

Ugh. I better go get it. Brb.

**Doorbells and Peepholes**

9.2.09

Remember my theory?

_Maybe he decided to give up._

Well, I was wrong.

Remember my follow up theory?

_Or maybe, he's that annoying person that keeps ringing the doorbell._

That one was correct.

Not.

Cool.

Seriously. How desperate can a guy be?

Ok. So I ran downstairs and decided that it was way past visiting hours.

Well, it was 8.

But still.

Kinda late man.

Anyways, afraid that I would be opening the door to a kidnapping murderer of innocent looking girls named Caitlyn, I chose to look through the peephole in the door.

I was too short. Which is lame cause I'm pretty tall. I mean 5'2". Oh yeah.

Well. Okay. So I'm not _that_ tall. But hey. I'm passed 5 ft. So whateva.

Anyways, I went and grabbed a stool.

Stood on it.

Looked through the little hole.

The first thing I saw was Nate's bushy head of curly hair in my face. Excellent.

So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And I forced my ears to listen to that annoying ringing.

Hmm…ok.

Might as well right a to do list while I'm waiting…

Let's see…

Get a new doorbell

Get rid of Nate

Get Mitchie a bday gift.

He refused to leave.

I got tired of it.

So I ran upstairs and wrote this.

I wonder if he's gone…..

*brb*

Nope. Still there.

He'll eventually have to leave.

I mean. My mom's gonna be home any second.

Haha. She'll scare him away.

Perfect.

-Caitlyn

**Burning Up**

9.3.09

I am burning up.

I don't care if it's still summer. It should be getting cooler.

Dumb global warming.

Half of the reason I stopped driving everywhere.

The other half…well…I'll tell you guys tomorrow. Promise.

-Caitlyn

**Schedule Change**

9.3.09

I forgot to tell y'all.

I got a schedule change. Nothing really changed though….

0. Precalc. Honors

1. Spanish 3

2. AP Physics

3. AP US

4. Choir

5. English Honors 3

And of course my schedule changes and records were all messed up so I ended up being enrolled in like 10 classes.

But don't worry. I ran around school talking to people. It should be fixed by next week.

Whoo.

-Caitlyn

**Awesome**

9.3.09

The moment I walked through my front door, my mom greeted me with a large smile.

"Your friend Nate was sitting outside the apartment yesterday." she said.

"Oh really?!" I pretended, "Did you scare him off?"

"Scare him off?!" she said, "Caitlyn you're silly. I invited him over for dinner."

*coughcough*

"Isn't that awesome?!" she asked.

"No." I said softly.

She glared at me.

I cleared my throat. "I mean yeah. Awesome. I'm gonna go get ready…"

She nodded once and I left.

Uggghhhh.

She's doing this on purpose.

I should've once I saw her big smile.

As if it would make any of the things that happened between Nate and I any better.

The thing is, my mom likes Nate.

I should've known better.

She really isn't that happy all the time.

-Caitlyn.

**Dinner**

9.3.09

Dinner wasn't a near death experience surprisingly.

I ate small chucks of food and chewed very slowly. So I always had food and was always chewing.

Therefore, I didn't have to talk.

I know. I'm a genius.

But anyways, Nate stayed afterwards and my mom insisted that I go up and sing him one of the new songs I've been writing.

I said no thanks.

Too bad my mom has that scary death glare power.

Sigh…if only she used it for good.

By the way, I didn't sing for him. We only exchanged a few words

And I might have a date with him this weekend.

But it's not what you think.

It a….a… get-together.

Yes. Get-together.

For purely educational reasons.

He needs help with chemistry…yup. And I'm in physics which means I took chem. last year so you know. Why not?

Not that I want to or anything. But he promised he would leave me alone afterwards.

Plus. It was kinda hard to talk knowing my mom was listening.

Again. Not that I want to talk…

to Nate.

….

Movin' on…

TTYT.

Wait. Does that work? Talk…to…you…tomorr…yeah…that works. Cool.

-Caitlyn.

**TGIF**

9.4.09

Thank goodness it's Friday.

This week has taken forever to go by.

And now it's over.

And tomorrow I get to see Nate.

Ew.

But then, Sunday is Mitchie's party. Whoo!

Everyone's gonna be there.

Family, friends, Shane of course.

Ugh. I hope Shane doesn't bring Nate.

Jason I can deal with. He's cool.

Ugh. I hope Nate doesn't bring Tess….

Ugh.

I'm not liking Sunday so much after all.

**Kristee Gellar**

9.4.09

So I promised y'all I would tell you my story.

Well. Here it is.

Kristee Gellar was my sister.

One day we decided to go shopping.

She let me drive.

We got into a car accident.

I made it.

She….

She….

She didn't.

It was all my fault.

I wasn't ready.

I should've said no.

And now not only am I a murderer.

But I lost my sister.

And it was my fault.

Ugh. I shouldn't have….

Sigh…

I watched her die.

I couldn't do anything.

Her dying wish was to have me move on.

So here I am, trying to move on.

But I refuse to ever drive again.

The thing I want most in the world is to have her back.

To have our family back.

This was last year.

I don't like to talk about it.

End of story.

-Caitlyn.

**I think that's a good place to stop for now. I basically cried writing this chapter. Please review. More reviews= faster update ;) haha. Thanks y'all :)**


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